NPR should lose funding everytime they simulcast garrison keillor on am and fm. Give us a freakin choice.

Yyyeahhhh (office space) is the opposite of heyyyyyyyy! (boisterous Mediterranean greeting)

“Suge” should really be pronounced to rhyme with Scrooge. If I were him I’d spell it Shūg.

things i don’t care about, chapter 112: gadgets encrusted with swarovki crystals

Sorry, Gap, pants should always be plural. You don’t see Staples talking about this year’s black and stainless safety scissor.

To-do lists are the lucy-holding-the-football of my life. Every time I write one I have to delete the old one I never looked at.

Time to get rid of the phrase “reads like stereo instructions.” They’re pretty self-explanatory nowadays.

Good band name: The Conrad Bain of my Existence.

You know who’s kind of like a trickster god? The noid.

Catalina: it’s like ketchup for your salad!

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